Ouran Highschool Hostess Club
by RoboRyann
Summary: Because girls can do everything boys can do, backwards and in high heels.
1. Chapter 1: The Hostess Club!

**Disclaimer:** All rights and characters of Ouran High School Host Club belong to Bisco Hatori

**Chapter One: The Host**_**ess**_** Club?!**

"Moommyyyy! Our child is using those foul boy words agaaaaiin!" Kyouya Ootori glanced down at the blonde "King" of the Host Club; whom has clung himself to the second-in-command's leg. Sighing, he turns his bespectacled gaze to their chocolate-haired "child". Haruhi Fujioka, "commoner" of Ouran Academy, had stumbled upon the Host Club quite some months ago and in frenzy; _broken_ an eight hundred million yen vase. Once it was found out that Fujioka-san was indeed good-looking, they decided he could pay off his debt with a customer quota. However, unbeknownst to everyone but the host members, that "he" is, in fact, a _she_.

"You may be going a bit far again … Daddy." Kyouya smiled to Tamaki Suoh, who only pouted, tears of, no doubt, rejection pouring from his violet eyes. Tamaki had become quite attached to the scholarship student and had proclaimed her as his, and Kyouya's (as second-in-command), "child".

"He's just angry because Haruhi rejected his advances again."

"What a pitiful father." Tamaki glared at the Cheshire-cat-like twins; Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin. Their orange eyes flashed with their normal mischievousness toward Haruhi, she didn't pay attention to anyone other than the girls sitting with her. Mitsukuni "Honey" Haninozuka was napping happily with his head in Takashi "Mori" Morinuzuka's lap while the "strong but silent" member of the Host Club read his book with the normal monotone expression. The girls with Haruhi left with happy smiles and she walked towards Tamaki and the small group.

"It's a bit weird … not as many girls are here today." She noted with a curious look about the room.

"**It's usually quite busy after exams, too**." The twins shrugged in unison.

"Ne ne …" they all looked to the sleepy-eyed Honey who sat up slowly. "I heard some girls talking about some sort of host club."

"Uh, yeah, Honey … that's _us_." Kaoru answered. Kyouya made a weird noise in his throat to capture everyone's attention.

"No, I believe that another Host Club has started here on Ouran campus."

"Whaaaaaaaat?!" Tamaki popped up from his pouting position on the floor. "But the Host Club was _my_ idea!"

"Maybe we should go check it out." Haruhi added with a helpful tone. "Maybe we could pool our assets."

xxxx

The members of the Host Club practically piled themselves on top of each other to get a peek through the crack in the doors leading into Art Room number four. They saw several of their regular customers, and a lot of boys. So, either this was a host club for bisexuals or there were …

"What do you think of my girls?" the Hitachiin twins, Tamaki and Honey yelped, falling through the door at the feet of a very imposing character. She had a trademark Kyouya smile; her serious dark blue eyes watched them from over the rim of her glasses. She held a clipboard in one hand, the other on her hip. She flipped a stray navy blue hair from her face with a slight flick of her head. The boys couldn't help but notice she was very well endowed as her opened up uniform pretty much offered out her cleavage as eye candy. She didn't wear the normal girls' uniform, but a _boys'_ uniform, her waist-length navy blue hair up in a high ponytail keeping it from her face.

"Well, if it isn't Shino-san." The boys, and Haruhi looked at Kyouya, he was smiling that creepy business smile he had. She matched it.

"Why, hello, Ootori-dear, and what brings you to the Hostess Club, mm?"

"So the rumors are true."

"Oh, but of course, seeing as I am the one who started them." Her smile turned coy as boys and girls alike trailed out through the doors and five other girls came up behind "Shino-san".

"Ne ne, Kira-chan, who are those boys?" a girl with short ruffled pink hair tugged on the imposing girl's arm with one tiny hand, the other held onto a slightly oversized teddy bear. She had large, violet eyes and also wore a boys' uniform top that almost completely covered a black mini skirt, she was barefoot.

"How rude of me. Girls, this is the Ouran Host Club." She adjusted her glasses; "And boys, this would be the Ouran Host_ess_ Club. Made up of: Miss Iku Miyagawa; third year." She pointed to the short pink haired girl. "Miss Kazu Abe; also a third year." She then motioned to a tall-ish girl who wore roughly the same uniform, just with a longer skirt. She looked away from them, hiding her pale lavender colored eyes behind her silvery bangs that were longer than the rest of her hair. "Miss Haru and Miss Haruko Ashikaga; first years." Two girls with shoulder-length green hair and mischievous blue eyes were leaning against each other. Their uniforms were like the others' but with short skirts and striped knee-high socks. "Miss Ryann Suzuki." She gestured to a girl who did not look happy for the boys to be there. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she pouted; her icy blue eyes slightly glaring. Her waist-length hair was up in high pigtails and her uniform was almost exactly the same as the twins except with thigh-high black socks. "Then there's _moi_; Kira Shino, welcome, boys."

"And _girl_." Ryann muttered, stretching out her arm into a "Tamaki-point" at Haruhi.

"You can tell?" Tamaki asked in awe.

"_Duh_. Look at the way she's standing and also her face shape. I mean, really, the girls here must be ridiculously stupid to think Miss Fujioka is a _boy_." Haruhi rolled her eyes.

"She went to my middle school." Ryann twitched, her face reddening.

"Ooh! Haruhi you ruin all my fun!" Kira chuckled;

"I think it's obvious either way." She patted Ryann's head nicely then turned to the Host Club members. "So what can we do for you?"

"You could tell us why you took my idea!" Tamaki roared.

"Yeah yeah" the twins chorused.

"It's a free country, pretty boy!" Ryann roared back.

"Mmhm mmhm" the female twins chorused.

"Well actually someone came to _us_ with this whole thing." Iku added from Kazu's shoulders. Kyouya looked interested and Tamaki turned away from Ryann who now looked offended by his sudden attitude change.

"Eh? Who?"

"Well …" Iku began, but was interuppted by the sound of the school bell's booming tone announcing that it was six o' clock.

"So sorry, boys, but I have to get these young ladies home. Times up. Ta-ta for now~!" Kira pushed the group of boys, and Haruhi, back through the door. Before she closed it, with a coy smile through the crack she took Kyouya's attention. "Oh, by the way, Kyouya-dear, the Hostess Club currently generates more income that your sham. Bye-bye~!" and she closed the door right as the raven haired boy went had a tantrum. Ryann, Iku and the twins stared in confusion at the door and Kira only smiled.

Just another day at school.

xxxx

End Of Chapter One

**Note:** I am fully aware they all have strange hair colors … that's the point P:


	2. Chapter 2: Surprise Surprise

**Disclaimer:** All rights and characters of Ouran High School Host Club belong to Bisco Hatori

**Chapter Two: Surprise Surprise**

Kyouya had been fuming all day. And the fuming anger was directed at the illustrious Kira Shino. Which was rather a big hassle for Ryann who had to be lab parteners with him. He glared hatefully at his notebook as he wrote, a purple-ish aura heaved around him and she sat on the edge of her stool; scooting the chemicals away from him.

"Erm … Ootori-kun …" he snapped his glare towards her and she yelped, holding onto her pigtails as if they would somehow save her from the, currently, demon-like Ootori boy. Seeing her intense fear and teary face, along with whimpering noises, reminded him of Tamaki. He sighed.

"I apologize, Suzuki-san." She shrunk farther away from him, whimpering more.

"Now, now, shame on you, Kyouya-dear." He looked up from the fearful Ryann and up at Kira who loomed behind her. His evil look returned with a vengeance. "Ooh my, such a scary face." She just kept smiling, unfazed, this angered him more. How _dare_ this demon-woman make more profit than him?! "Well, we must be going, bye-bye, Kyouya-dear~" he growled at her merry, sing-song voice as she picked up Ryann by her collar, the frightened girl just kept with the whimpering. Out in the hallway, Kira set Ryann back on her feet and put her hands on her hips. "Now then, Suzu-chan, what shall we do for Halloween festivities this year?"

"Eh?" Ryann looked up, tears gone in a dramatic attitude change. "Oh, that's right, it's almost Halloween."

"That's right and we still haven't figured out what we're going to do."

"And a haunted house is so cliché … hm?" Ryann peered around the corner and instantly had a vicious-angry face. She drug the Hitachiin twins from their hiding spots and plopped them in front of Kira. "Eavesdropping is bad, you know." The twins stood up and stuck their tongues out. She growled; "That's it!" she went to grab Hikaru, but he bolted off down the hall, Kira stood back with a happy smile.

"My, isn't he a fast one." Ryann went to run after him, but was caught in the loop of Kaoru's arms.

"What?! Lemme go! Kira-san, help meee!" the older girl looked thoughtful.

"I think I had some filing to do, bye-bye, Suzu-chan." And she walked on her merry way. Ryann looked bewildered;

"Wha … KIRA YOU BITCH!" suddenly she was released, she stumbled forward and turned around. Kaoru was looking at his hands curiously. "What is it, hm?"

"A-cup?" Ryann twitched;

"You …" she swung up her arm, and with the force of seven years of karate, brought her fist down to his face. "ASSHOLE!"

xxxx

"What happened to _you_?" Hikaru snickered as his brother walked into the Host Club room, holding his bruised cheek.

"Look what that gorilla-girl did to my pretty face!" Hikaru held a hand up to his mouth, trying hard not to laugh. But it boiled over and he busted up laughing. "Shut-up, Hikarruuu!" the twin only laughed harder.

xxxx

"What's up with _you_?" Haru asked from her spot on the floor as Ryann stomped angrily into the club room. She only growled at the green haired girl who hid fearfully behind her sister. Ryann flopped into a seat by Iku who offered her some cake hesitantally. She slammed her face down onto the table.

"Ridiculous." She muttered.

xxxx

"Hey, Kyouya." Haruhi plopped into a seat next to the manager.

"Mm?"

"I was just wondering why you hate Shino-senpai so much." He twitched at the sound of her name. He sighed as a peanut gallery gathered, all looking very interested, adjusting his glasses.

"For one; she claims to make more money than me." They all sighed, that wasn't entertaining at all. "She's also our rival comapany's heir … and …"

xxxx

"Fiancee?!" the girls shrieked, Kira nodded, sipping her coffee.

"We were betrothed as children. However, Kyouya-dear is so intolerable to everything that he's fun to mess with, thus he hates me." This fact didn't seem to upset her at all.

"So it was decided by your parents?" Iku asked quietly.

"Actually," Kira chuckled, looking amused. "Kyouya-dear asked me himself, first."

"WHA?!" they all chorused.

xxxx

"Our parents decided it. End of discussion." Kyouya concluded flatly, slamming his books shut and leaving the room.

xxxx

"Of course, we were only four years old, so it doesn't really count, but he was the cutest thing back then. Not so scary-faced." She was granted incredulous looks as she obliviously looked at her watch. "Look at the time! It's about time for us to open."

xxxx

"_You're_ my clients?" Ryann twitched, looking hatefully at the grinning Hitachiin twins. She smacked her forehead as she sat down on the couch between them. She looked at Kira who shrugged sincerely, then at the other Hostess members who didn't look too excited by the patrons.

"And would you like to be my special client, Kyouya-dear?" Kira teased the boy standing cross-armed beside her. He managed to blush yet pull off a somewhat disgusted look. She touched his chin lightly; "Well we'll just save that for later then." She purred and walked off. His face looked like a cherry.

"G-Good afternoon, Honey-kun …" Kazu blushed, looking at her hands in her lap. Iku looked at her, then Honey and back slightly confused.

"Ne ne, Kazu-chi, why are you blushing."

"GAH! I-I-I'm not!" she turned her face away and Honey giggled.

"You're funny, Abe-san."

"**OH shut up already!"** the Ashikaga twins roared at Tamaki who had been going off on his "beauty" speech again. "**so frustrating.**" They huffed, crossing their arms. Haruhi looked completely unenthused and just sipped her tea. Kira came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

"Hello, Haru-chan."

"Er … hello." Tamaki looked like _The Screamer_ as Kira's over-sized breasts pushed against the back of his dear "child's" head. "Um … Shino-senpai, it's a bit difficult to breathe like this."

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM?!" Tamaki squealed, Haruhi looked up totally blank-faced.

"What's not to be calm about?" The twins came around and wrapped their arms around Haruhi.

"**You're so cute, Haru-chan~**"

"Uh … thanks." Now who did these girls remind her of?

Meanwhile Ryann felt like ripping out her hair on the inside, but kept a pleaseant, cute smile on her face as the boys draped their arms over her. She scrunched up in a chlosterphobic-like way.

"I believe you're wrong, Kaoru. Even girls with abnormally small breasts can still get boyfriends." Hikaru commented nonchalantly.

"I believe _you're_ wrong, Hikaru. You see, for example, Suzuki-kun here was often mistaken for a boy when she was younger because of her chest." Ryann twitched. How would he know that?! "So you see, even though she looks far more like a girl now, her small breasts will keep her from a husband."

"Hmm maybe you're right. You have very valid points, Kaoru."

"Thank you, dear brother." They grinned cat-that's-caught-the-canary grins at Ryann who had hunched over over her cup, thinking about slaughtering the good-looking twins.

"Poor, Suzu-chan." Ryann looked up at Kira with tears in her eyes, she glomped the well-equipped bluenette.

"Kira-chaaaan these boys are so meeeean." She cried. The twins shrugged;

"**We weren't doing anything**." They noted innocently.

"Alright, boys, just follow me, please." They looked confused.

"**uh … okay.**" She opened a door on the otherside of the room and pushed them in, then closed it quietly. Not even a minute later shrieking came from inside the room.

"Kira-san …" Tamaki popped out from behind her. "What's in there?"

"Unspeakable things."

"And … what are those?"

"They're unspeakable." She only smiled, which was frightening for some reason, and walked off. Tamaki opened the door slightly and the twins rushed out, slamming it behind them. They looked like _hell_.

"W-What happened?" they glanced up at Tamaki and shrieked.

"**WE HAVE TO GO HOME NOW!!**" they yelled as they ran from the room, kicking up dust clouds. Tamaki looked confused.

"You may go in if you like, Suoh-kun." Kira motioned toward the door. Curiously, he opened it and walked in. Only to come screaming out within ten seconds with tears streaming down his face, muttering "nononono" over and over again.

"Tamaki-senpai?" Haruhi asked.

"H-Haruhi …" he dashed over to her and ripped open her jacket and shirt to reveal her pink camisoule. "Ah … thank God …"

"Sen … paii …" Haruhi growled, and with as much force as she could muster, slapped him across the face. She stormed out with him crawling behind her saying "sorry sorry sorry" as much as he had "no". Kira smiled at Kyouya, he looked back at her blank-faced.

"No."

Just another day at school.

xxxx

End of Chapter Two 


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